Freedom and Choice of an Addictive Personality: a Person Between "Homo Liturgicus" and "Hackable Animal"

Kangieva Alie Memetovna PhD in Philology Scientific Associate, Research Institute of Crimean-Tatar Philology, History and Culture of Ethnoses of Crimea of the Crimean Engineering and Pedagogical University named after Fevzi Yakubov 295015, Russia, respublika Krym, g. Simferopol', per. Uchebnyi, 8 aliye.kangiyeva@gmail.com Other publications by this author

Digitalization and virtualization of science, culture, education, interpersonal relations and other spheres of human life, biotechnology and bioengineering reveal new horizons for the development and realization of human potential. At the same time, technogenic culture and the view derived from it of man as a hackable animal ^[21], "an animal that can be hacked", devalues man as self-worth, abolishes as unnecessary the deep close contact on which all cultures and civilizations have been built for millennia.

With the loss of the value of a person and the closeness between people, humanity is faced with an emotional hunger of a previously unimaginable scale. In attempts to escape from their own vulnerability, pain, hunger, and a sense of the absurdity of their existence, people are increasingly becoming hostages, "slaves" of addictions. In an attempt to regain the lost psychological comfort, homo postmodernicus clings to any addictin that at least temporarily relieves his pain, post-traumatic fragmentation, senselessness, anxiety and hunger. The XX-XXI centuries gave mankind not only revolutionary discoveries in the field of neurophysiology, genetics, bioengineering, technology, but also new types of addictions – from gadgets and social networks to porn addiction, from heavy chemical to behavioral addictions. Eating disorders, bulimia, anorexia, more "mild" deviations in the form of constant guilt after meals, obsessive calorie counting have become a reality for most people from "developed countries" in response to persistent anxiety and uncertainty.

The Society of Consumption and Performance ^[6] has nurtured a generation of shopaholics, using neuromarketing and personalized advertising technologies. Today, technologies allow us to monitor a person's consumer behavior not only externally, but also "under the skin" by examining his brain, as the modern philosopher Yuval Noah Harari repeatedly says ^[21]. The desire for contact and intimacy with a partner often leads to a codependent relationship ^[18] instead of a healthy traditional family. The role of an addict in such a relationship is performed by the second partner, while the first one renounces his own subjectivity, a sense of his freedom and responsibility in a relationship with Another.

The loss of traditions in building a family as a space of peace, trust and care, the loss of traditions of eating, patterns of building close contacts with Another revealed to man the abyss of unquenchable hunger, longing for peace, intimacy and contact. This is an abyss of addictions, in which both adults and children die hourly.

To "bridge" this gap, to find a way out without destroying the modern world and without trying to cancel the present for the sake of the past, to help people in the new reality to find emotional and communicative meanings, to feel their value, freedom, subjectivity, responsibility – the task not only of psychology, but also of other sciences of the socio-humanitarian cycle.

All of the above points to the relevance of the study of the problems of addictive personality and the search for solutions to the problems of addiction: both in the sphere of personal meanings and individual mental capabilities of a person, and in the socio-cultural sphere. Modern psychological literature devoted to dependent behavior approaches the concept of addiction, its causes and therapeutic strategies in different ways. In the article, we use addiction and addiction as terms equivalent in meaning. Significant differences in the approach to addiction psychotherapy can be found in psychoanalysis ^{[19, 1]}, gestalt therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, schema therapy and other approaches. Addictology emerged at the intersection of psychology, psychiatry and narcology ^{[12, 15, 16]}.

The main text in the treatment of addictions is still the text developed in 1938 by the alcoholics Anonymous community "12 steps AA" ^[11]. Today, these steps are used not only in the treatment of alcoholism, but also transferred to the therapy of other types of addictions. In the article we will use the methodology and approach of Canadian psychotherapists-real estate developers Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate, who described the problems of addiction in terms of the loss of basic necessary attachments both in childhood and in adulthood and showed the way to get rid of addictions through the return of fundamental connections in human life. The authors justified this approach with empirical studies and statistical data. In addition, this approach generally does not contradict other directions.

The purpose of this work is to analyze addiction in the context of Newfeld's attachment theory; to reveal the foundations and ways to overcome addiction; to propose conceptual foundations for the return of subjectivity and responsibility of an addictive personality. The subject of this article is addiction, its biological features, origin and the possibility of gaining sobriety.

1. Addiction as a healthy state of the child's psyche 1.1. Dependence as a psychological womb for maturation

When the term "addiction" arises in our consciousness, many negative connotations arise simultaneously with it.

At the same time, the fact that there is a healthy dependence is often overlooked - it is the dependence of a child on his adult. By default, all children come into the world dependent and weak. This is their natural state. The more generously an adult invites you to depend on him, the more accessible to the child and ready to become an answer to his needs, the more likely it is that the child will turn from a dependent being into an adult self-sufficient person ^[7].

It is advisable to start studying the phenomenon of addictions with a healthy dependence of a child in childhood. In the work "Keys to the well-being of children and adults" ^[14], Dr. Neufeld shows that the child's rest and further development from the point of rest are possible only from a state of dependence, acceptance of guardianship and care. When a child can afford to "fall into the affection and care of his adult." The child is dependent on the mother "biologically, physically, emotionally, psychologically" ^{[14, p. 5]}. This is the absolute norm. The task of the mother is to provide him with the conditions for maturation. Development with further separation is possible only after a long period of life in the "psychological womb of an adult": in a family that is "the womb for true adulthood" ^{[14, p. 31]}.

Moreover, an adult who wants to help mature and separate his child, turn into an independent person, should generously invite to depend on himself in childhood. Only after long-term dependence on an adult is further individuation and the formation of a child possible. The adult addresses the alpha self-presentation to the child, embeds the child in the hierarchy of "Alpha dependent", "Giving custody and accepting custody", "Having power as a way of implementing custody and following this power, respecting, taking an example".

Nourished by the care of his adult, the child is filled with peace. And from peace, the energy of boldness arises in the child, the desire to realize oneself independently through the ultimate disclosure of one's own potential. Further, at the stage of the formation of the "inner parent", a person has a desire to realize himself as a source of care.

If a healthy form of addiction is kept in view in the study of its unhealthy forms, then any addiction can be considered as a separation complex ^[13]. An addictive personality, regardless of age, is a person who faced separation from the source of mental peace and satisfaction of her needs earlier than she was ready for it. A person who found himself in the context of an independent independent adult life, being not ready for this life.

1.2. Separation complex

Fundamental training at the Newfeld Institute for psychologists and parents includes a separate intensive, which is called a "separation complex". This course does not address the problem of addictions, but it provides a detailed analysis of what happens to a child who faced separation before he was ready for it. Within the framework of the course, the term "protective relatedness" is considered, which goes back to the concept of protective mechanisms of the Freudian psyche.

Unlike healthy separation, addiction can be considered as a state of mind that has not been nourished by healthy dependence on its adult at the basic six levels of attachment in childhood ^[14]. In this case, the agent of addiction will act as a means of protective re-attachment for an immature, not ready for independence of the psyche.

If we consider addiction as a natural need of the child's psyche and body until he grows up, then adult painful addictions can open up to us as one of the consequences of parental deprivation. This idea is revealed by Gabor Mate in the work "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Face to face with addictions" ^[11]. In the fifth part of the book, Mate examines the concept of "addiction", in which he gives a unitary approach to explaining all addictions and asserts that addictions are interchangeable. I.e., an addictive personality is a person who tends to compensate for "inner emptiness" through addictin, no matter in what form it will be expressed. Neurophysiological studies of the brain of children with maternal deprivation and the brain of addictive personalities confirm the hypothesis that addiction is a consequence of attachment disorder and lack of healthy dependence in childhood.

Adult addictions can be viewed as regression into childhood addiction with the loss of their own subjectivity – the ability to control their choices and take responsibility for their lives. In this case, the problem of all addictions can be revealed within the framework of developmental psychology as an attempt to adapt to frustrating reality through less mature, but more accessible behaviors that provide an immediate sense of security, security, peace, cessation of anxiety and pain. Revealing the functions of addictin as a factor in reducing frustration, you can turn to a metaphor and imagine how an adult is trying to get to a destination in a children's electric car. While overcoming the path on foot would be easier and more efficient, not to mention the resources of an adult, allowing the use of various types of real transport.

Exploring addiction as a regression into childhood addiction, we will notice in the addict an unsuccessful attempt to find a child's attachment according to the "Alpha-dependent" model already in adulthood. We find in the addict an attempt to attribute the value and status of the "Caring Alpha" (conditional "Mom") – the addict. Such a view allows an addictive personality to reinterpret a traumatic event not as a signal to search for his "Alpha", but as a challenge, a potential source of growth. But any person with a preserved intellect and nervous system, in the absence of organic damage, always has the opportunity to adequately respond to the frustrating factor as a challenge, to the pressure of the external environment, to internal conflicts and contradictions. Each person is able to find the energy of boldness in himself ^[14] due to the adaptive abilities of the psyche, without resorting to a conditional "Mom" in the form of a drug or compulsive destructive, uncontrolled purchases with shopaholism.

More details about what growth resources hide internal conflict and trauma, a situation of suffering or anxiety will be described in the third part of the article.

1.3.         From addiction to loveWhat happens to children who have completely satisfied their need depending on an adult?

In the theory of attachment, formed by John Bowlby and further detailed by Gordon Neufeld, it is said that the "feeling of You in a person", the need for connection, the desire for intimacy are preserved as one of the basic needs of the psyche throughout life.

Due to the long maturation in the "psychological womb", the child goes through the path of psychological birth as a mature person. Neufeld draws the watershed between maturity and infantilism through three terms of mental processes:

1) becoming as the ability, desire and determination to fully realize your personal potential;

2) adaptation as a quality of a mature personality to find the strength to change the situation or change yourself when faced with a frustrating factor, to show flexibility and resilience when facing challenges and conflicts inside or outside;

3) integration as the ability to feel part of society, various social groups, interact, respect other people's traditions and views, without losing yourself, while maintaining yourself as a separate individual, without merging and losing Self, but also without opposing yourself to society or groups with other views.

The child who has been dependent on his adult for a long time, has been attached, has been sufficiently nourished, has gone through these three stages of maturation and has become a mentally adult – transforms his childish ability to be firmly attached into the ability to love.

Falling in love and love have a lot in common with addictions: it is primarily an affective and chemical component. Moreover, in Wikipedia we can read the thesis that "falling in love ... as well as overeating, ... or shopaholism ... are socially acceptable forms of addiction."

However, if we look at the maturation of the brain and psyche in the paradigm of attachment-based developmental psychology, then the relationship of love as a way to realize the need for intimacy is a healthy and necessary mental state. Love happens to a mature person who has crossed the watershed of maturity - the stages of formation, adaptation and integration. This means that he is capable of building a mature contact with another mature partner. After all, love and intimacy in its normal and healthy course presupposes not only physiological maturation and puberty as the ability to leave offspring. But also psychological maturity, which presupposes the preservation of subjectivity in relationships, a sense of one's choice, one's will, the realization of one's freedom in relationships, and hence the responsibility of the individual for these relationships, which is absent in addictive relationships.

Morbid infatuation is mentioned in G. V. Starshenbaum's "Addictology" as relationship addiction, "mad love" and "love addiction". In our opinion, it is incorrect to mention such states in connection with any love relationship, as any person taking food is not necessarily an addict. Therefore, it is inappropriate to list infatuation along with shopaholism and RPP without reservations about its painful course.

Summing up, it should be said that in the psychology of attachment-based development, healthy dependence is also distinguished, which complements the understanding of the issue of painful addictions. Considering healthy addictions, the separation complex and attachment disorders in childhood can complement the formation of a unitary theory of addictions. Further liberation from addictions in this context can occur through a conscious, volitional act of forming healthy contact and intimacy as one of the key mental needs of both children and adults. The difference in satisfying the need for intimacy in adults and children is only that the responsibility for the deep contact of the child lies with the adult, not the child. In the adult state, the responsibility for satisfying any hunger, eliminating any deficit, including the need for contact, lies with the person himself.

 2. Addictive personality 2.1. The biology of addiction

In the fourth part of his work "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts", Mate examines in detail the biology and chemistry of addictions. Thoroughly referring to various medical studies, Mate points out that three brain systems are always involved in addiction:

1) dopamine circuits of the cognitive-motivational system;

2) the opioid circuit of the attachment-reward system;

3) regulatory centers of the prefrontal cortex and in particular the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC) ^{[11, p. 311]}.

"Poor stimulation" or lack of "good stimulation" of these brain structures in early childhood (mainly we are talking about the first year of life) lead to the fact that in adulthood a person lives in a state of constant depression and depression, does not cope with his own anxiety state, and the brain cannot provide the "blood chemistry" necessary for a full, comfortable and peaceful life. The areas of the brain responsible for processing negative signals, assimilation and installation of positive stimuli are underdeveloped. Mate compares this process with a child who was kept in the dark for several years at the beginning of his life, as a result of which his optic nerve was underdeveloped, and now the child is doomed to blindness.

Here we can also recall the phenomenon of "wild children" mentioned by us in the article on the communicative nature of medieval mystical sources ^[9]: children whose speech centers from childhood did not receive sufficient stimulation from birth for several years due to the fact that children for some reason were under the care of animals (Mowgli children), grew up no longer capable of speech and learning.

For what reasons are the three basic structures involved in the formation of addictions in adulthood, are not sufficiently developed? Numerous Mate studies show that the main reason is trauma, violence in childhood. By trauma, the author understands not only harm, but also lack of care, refusal of intimacy, refusal to satisfy the need for emotional contact. These are numerous cases of clinical depression in mothers, to which the infant's brain mirrors depression, alcoholism and drug addiction in parents.

2.2. Trauma and addiction Exploring the topic of healthy addiction from the first chapter, we pointed out that it is possible only "in the dance of the Alpha and the dependent," as Newfeld says.

However, as indicated in the introduction, today the rituals and patterns that protect relationships have been destroyed, and the tradition of alpha parenting also applies here, where there is a source of responsibility and the one who accepts custody. In the literature on child psychology, it is rare to find information about the importance of hierarchy, dependence, emotional attachment, more important than the discipline and behavior of the child. The behaviorist approach is still popular. Although the behavioral approach in education resembles training and has long been refuted by natural scientific data on the maturation of the child's brain, about his ability to self-control and regulation, absent in childhood due to the underdevelopment of the prefrontal cortex, neocortex.

When a healthy hierarchy and self–presentation by an adult to a child as an Alpha, a source of power and guardianship is rare, traditional patterns are destroyed, parents enter parenthood from an immature position. Infantile, immaturity of parents disposes to addictions, when the burden associated with upbringing and care looks like it is too much, there is no ability to adapt, becoming a source of care with subsequent Alpha pride does not occur. And as you know, "children are not able to raise other children." Physiological maturity, the ability to give birth to a child physically is often not related to mental maturity: readiness, determination, intention to become an answer to the needs of an immature child, to control their impulses, affects, anger, fatigue, guided by responsibility for the well-being of the child. And in such conditions, the child is left alone with his needs. There is no one on whom he can safely depend. The child grows up in anxiety and deprivation of parental affection. The problem is also aggravated by the tendency to form mononuclear families, when grandparents are distanced from grandchildren, the child is raised "in one hand" and the child grows up in anxiety and emotional hunger.

It seems obvious that the child's psyche is traumatized when it is not about physical or sexual violence. However, when a child falls into the hands of an immature parent who is not ready to become an answer to the psycho-emotional needs of the child, negative consequences for the development of the child's brain can also lead to injuries. We are talking about those cases when the psyche of parents is not mature enough to become a space for the safe maturation of another person. And this in itself, as Dr. Mate shows, is a sufficient condition for the development of an "addictive personality" in the future in a child. A person who is unable to cope with discomfort, pain, anxiety responsibly, without destructive consequences for his own personality.

Mate shows the connection between cases of severe violence in childhood and severe drug addiction. Thus, the environment influences the formation of a "dependent brain" more significantly than genes or individual characteristics.

2.3. Choice and responsibility of the addictAt the same time, despite the significant conditionality of addiction by the environment, in our opinion, the author underestimates the factor of choice and freedom of an addict.

In his author's documentary "The Wisdom of Trauma", Mate tells his drug-addicted patients: "Do you think you chose a drug? No, the choice was programmed in your brain."

Chapter 17 of the author's book is called "The brain had no choice." In Vancouver, Canada, Mate works in a state clinic where addictine is given to drug addicts under the state program and nurses make sure that patients use them.

The psychotherapist interprets this approach as "compassionate curiosity" about the personality of drug addicts, participation, interest and mercy for the pain they have suffered.

With great respect for the author's humanity, we at the same time believe that such an approach degrades human dignity. It follows from it that the acts of choice are completely conditioned by certain factors – it does not matter, environment, genes, physiology. And this means the absence of freedom, which means the natural absurdity of responsibility for life and every act of choice. The issue of the boundaries of freedom and choice is complex and ambiguous, but modern society, the law, the concept of capacity and responsibility cannot be combined with the full conditionality of the acts of choice of a capable person by his physiology. In this case, all legal science and justice would be reduced to absurdity.

In this paper, speaking of responsibility, we do not mean legal responsibility, the need to appear before the court (indeed, different countries approach the issue of regulating the circulation of narcotic and psychotropic drugs differently). By responsibility we understand the philosophical and psychological category as the ability to "respond" to the challenges of life, guided by their freedom in a certain space of choice, which is just realized at the moment of mental maturation.

This space of choice, which a person begins to feel after a full separation from his Adult, is his mental boundaries. Coming out of merging with the world, with the mother, just means feeling like an actor, a subject, the master of your life, your path, your soul. The need for the Other remains, but the person himself is responsible and authorized to satisfy this need. His resources are enough to build contact with You without losing Self. With responsibility for the happiness of the Self, for the connection on the Self itself.

The approach in which we look at drug addicts or other addicts as "non–people" who were unlucky in childhood is a manifestation of disrespect for their freedom and dignity, for their general legal personality.

Mate problematizes the influence of early childhood experience on the formation of an addictive personality, however, in our opinion, this information should first of all be addressed to parents, educators, teachers, social workers.

For the addicts themselves, on the contrary, it is important to emphasize their freedom, their ability to choose, a component of their arbitrary choice, free from coercion, when they take a step towards addiction.

It is here, in the awareness and feeling of one's freedom, in the determination and intention to be free – lies the liberation from addictions.

To be fair, we note that by quoting the text of the 12 Steps program from the "Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous" in his own interpretation, Mate speaks about freedom, responsibility, and willingness to harm himself and others.

However, some of the author's statements in interviews and even the titles of the chapters of his book confuse the understanding of his position and, in our opinion, are sometimes counterproductive in the treatment of addictions of various etiologies.

I would also like to note separately the phenomenon noticed on the pages of many works on addictions – an attempt to romanticize some types of addictions as stimulating to creativity, contributing to the emergence of the energy of boldness, peace and strength to live. This is observed in particular in the story described by Gabor Mate of the outstanding surgeon William Stuart Halstead, who "engaged in productive work" while taking morphine ^{[11, pp. 505-506]}. Chekhov's "Morphine" comes to mind, where the doctor's story is shown completely and realistically. The fate of Freud himself and the consequences of his nicotine addiction are also known. Any addiction eventually leads to the destruction of personality. Any substance or stimulation that has power over a person eventually destroys his subjectivity, no matter what creative horizons they reveal. The only source of energy, creativity, restoration of integrity, comparable in degree of influence with narcotic drugs, but not carrying the potential of destruction, allowing you to expand the boundaries of the psyche of the Self is a conscious, responsible love for You. In this regard, within the framework of the state anti-drug policy of the Russian Federation, it seems more appropriate to promote sobriety instead of romanticizing the ISS caused by chemical agents.

Thus, summing up, we can conclude that neurophysiology today allows us to form the features of the brain of an addictive personality. These features are substantially formed under the influence of early childhood experience. At the same time, this impact does not mean conditionality, but rather suggests "more complex initial conditions" for the realization of the potential of the individual. The impossibility of denying a capable, legally capable person his responsibility requires us to recognize his freedom, choice and subjectivity. Including his free choice in the formation of addiction.

3. Addiction and post-traumatic growth3.1. The feeling of "You" in a person

Considering the development of addictions as a natural result of traumatic experiences in childhood, describing the processes of addiction formation as highly conditioned, programmed, we lose sight of the fact that trauma often leads not only to disorders.

Trauma contains the potential for growth.  Awareness of suffering, conscious experience of tragedies, deprivations can be associated with a sense of the depth and fullness of life, its richness and meaningfulness.

Neufeld talks about two existential invitations that, under favorable conditions, a child receives from his parents:

1) an invitation to be in the life of parents,

2) an invitation to remain yourself.

It seems to be addressed to the child: "Live! Be with me! Be yourself!"

The invitation "Be with me!" postulates the life of an adult as a womb, a space for the development and safe growth of a child, and the adult himself as a sufficient, spacious, stable support for a new life. In the second invitation "Be yourself!" there is a manifestation of independent value, nonviolence towards the child, allowing his life to manifest itself as it wants, without expectations, pressure and conditions to live. Nonviolent, careful care that helps a new life grow, manifest itself, without regard to the expectations of the source of care. The power of the parent manifests itself exclusively as a way of guardianship.

 In this context, trauma can be called any event, a condition that affects these two invitations: cancels them, calls them into question. And the child instead of: "Live, be, bloom!" hears silence or the message "Don't live!". This is the essence of trauma.

However, it is impossible to imagine a child who would grow up without abrasions on the elbows and knees, without injuries and bruises. It is also impossible to imagine the development of a child's psyche without injuries. And just as physical life is programmed to self-repair and strengthen after encountering challenges, life and mental development do not stop when faced with trauma, but can potentially strengthen, deepen, get a new volume and intensity.

Neufeld writes: "Piaget discovered that living contradictory thoughts and feelings is the driving force of mental development. Contradictory signals are the basis for the development of depth and perspective in many areas of growth, including vision, muscle tone, sensory integration, problem solving, brain hemisphere development, etc." ^[14].

We do not know what degree of intensity the trauma should be in order for the body and brain to "get stronger post-traumatic", and when this event cannot be processed and will lead to a disorder, physical or mental.

However, the very fact of the existence of such a phenomenon as post-traumatic growth brings versatility, ambiguity, and resourcefulness to the phenomenon of trauma. This is also evidenced by the importance of "tears of futility" for the maturation of personality – tears shed because of the inability to control and change frustrating circumstances in life. Through trauma, a person learns to adapt and grow in different circumstances, including in childhood. Through conflict, his ability to integrate and mix multidirectional impulses, affects, emotions is strengthened in order to obtain balanced stable behavior. 

Trauma, child or adult, always reveals existential lack of self-sufficiency, vulnerability of a person and his life, his vulnerability. Trauma seems to split the personality into parts, as shown by trauma therapist Onno Van der Hart ^[16]. Fragmentation, the feeling of "falling apart" and the inability to further "glue" oneself in the same conditions pushes a person to expand the boundaries of personality, psyche, ability to interpret in order to accommodate the traumatic experience, but preserving the integrity of his Self.

Trauma seems to take away the invitation to live and be yourself. And in order to start hearing this invitation again, a person after an injury is looking for Another, through whom the meaningfulness of his being returns. The other, with his consciousness, like a mirror, reflects a person whole and beautiful, despite the trauma. So a person, having seen a whole image of himself in the psyche of "You", again returns to himself the feeling: "I am. I'm all right. It's good that I am."

So the man grew up and realized the unbearability of the cold and emotional detachment of his mother, violence on the part of his father. This realization splits his psyche into "it's unbearable to live", "it hurts to live", "it's dangerous to live". But another experience is added to this experience: the experience of interacting with the life affirmation of nature, the experience of realizing oneself as a source of joy for Others, care, support. Trauma gives an impetus to the formation of meaning and the expansion of the boundaries of the psyche.

Avoiding injury will not work. And perhaps it is worth focusing on the resource potential of trauma no less than on the destructive one. This will also help in overcoming PTSD in the future.

Trauma is experienced as splitting or loss of fragments of one's Self. But after the loss, we take a step towards You ^[3] and regain the integrity of the Self. We lose "pieces of ourselves" in order to find the real whole of ourselves with a new awareness and a new depth: "I am what You choose." This unbreakable integrity is gained through the rejection of oneself on the way to You. And this "refusal does not take away, refusal bestows the power of being" ^[20].

The newly found wholeness is not static, it is lived as a cycle of splitting and returning wholeness again, in a rhythmic paradigm. Here, in adulthood, an event came again that caused the feeling: "Life is hard, the responsibility for life is unbearable, unbearable."

But if "I am what goes to You," then the unaffordable responsibility of the Self narrows: "I am not responsible for life, but for a step towards You. For the choice-to-You. Effort-to-You. With my eyes open. To the real You, and not to the illusion in my head, when instead of You I continue to be in the autistic swamp of "I"." And this is again a place of growth and awareness: a place of awareness of one's boundaries, the boundaries of one's existential responsibility, choice and influence. My responsibility extends to the step to You. I'm taking a step towards the living You. And You tell me, "Live!" You choose me. You say, "Be yourself, be with me!". And I'm alive. Whole.

 There is no point in being afraid of injuries, trying to avoid them. Not every trauma carries the message of destruction, addictive slavery to substance and stimulation, post-traumatic disorder. On the contrary, it is important to rethink trauma as a place of growth and disclosure of the potential of movement to You, the potential of deep true love, responsibility for this love and a conscious decision to be faithful to it. Living futility in the arms of a loved one is the only way to maturity.

And if in childhood a child of mature parents hears: "Live, be!" by default, then in adulthood he is responsible to enter into that communication himself, where he can address "be" to Another and hear "be" in response. Where he will be able to regain his integrity and help Another to gain integrity, to get out of fragmentation.

Meaningfulness, integrity is always communicative, dynamic, supra-rational, and manifested through Caring-for-You. When the heart turns to You, it acquires a vector and shores. Gets rid of splitting and stagnation.

In traumatic disorders, an electromagnetic pulse transmitted by neurons to the brain closes in the amygdala and loops back into the body. Negative experience has not fulfilled its function, has not pushed to "You", beyond the boundaries of "I", into openness, expansion, growth. The impulse is "stuck" in the Ego and destroys its integrity. With the help of various approaches and techniques, the therapist helps to withdraw the impulse from the amygdala into the neocortex. The new cortex processes the impulse, puts it into words.

And if emotions arise as "the energy of the friction of the psyche against the outside world", then the deepest and strongest emotions that can raise the very essence of a person arise when "rubbing against the consciousness of Another", when encountering You, when meeting with Another.

So trauma becomes a source of meaning-making, experiencing increased fullness of life, its richness and meaningfulness, which can be combined, at the same time, with full-scale experiences of tragedy and loss, truthfully and without protection.

Referring to Freud, Erickson, Jung, Piaget and their understanding of internal contradictions and conflict, Neufeld writes ^[14]: "We have found that internal conflict plays a central role in emotional development, which is of primary interest to neuroscience today."

Considering the above, Dr. Mate's portrayal of trauma as the foundation for many addictions, with further exemption from the responsibility of addicts, can be interpreted as incomplete. We see the point in revealing the positive potential of trauma and portraying trauma as a path to full-fledged maturation of personality.

We could express the inability to see the creative potential of trauma in the words of Neufeld: "The trouble is that in modern society there are a lot of adults who lack the ability to internal conflict, who do not know how to mix feelings. They failed to realize their inner potential" ^[14].

3.2. The path to sobriety and freedomThe state of sobriety and the absence of addictions can be expressed through the metaphor of a tree.

If the potential of the personality, its full realization, is compared with flowering and fruiting, then the sun, to which the tree stretches, strengthening on its trunk, will be the beauty of You. In the psychology of attachment-based development, the realization of a person's potential occurs only in proximity and contact with another person. This applies not only to children, but also to adults ^[13]. Therefore, the vital force that ensures growth despite obstacles, striving for the sun, development while maintaining rootedness in the earth is a mature Will–to-You ^[3].

If a tree that reaches out to the sun, blooms and bears fruit is a metaphor of maturity and realization of the potential of the individual, a metaphor of freedom from addictions, then addiction will look like rotting and decomposition. The transformation into the soil of those young shoots, leaves, buds that could not stretch up and get stronger. This is the loss of subjectivity, the loss of feeling like an Actor in your life, a sense of choice and responsibility for the path.

Addiction can deprive a person of subjectivity, taking control of his life and depriving him of volitional movement to Another, to You. Instead of subjective self–realization towards Another, a person mixes with the environment: uncontrollably allows narcotic drugs to affect the brain, food to affect the body, sex addiction to destroy his potential for physical intimacy with a loved one.

Metaphorizing the phenomenon of health and addiction, we must make a reservation: the difference between a person and a tree is that the Will-to-You is in the sphere of human responsibility. Recognizing everyone's capacity, legal capacity and subjectivity, we assume that everyone is able to realize their Will-to-You: to build deep contact, intimacy with Another. To be open to the Other's response, to change towards the Other. This is what the program "12 steps" is about – Will-to-God, Will-to-Another.

Linking the occurrence of addictions with trauma, it is important to show a different path after trauma – not the path of disorder, but the path of growth. This path is just as likely as the path of the disease. Awareness of the broad possibilities of post-traumatic growth could help victims of violence or children who grew up in the emotional detachment of adults to look more consciously at their choice of life path. Injury is inevitable. The highest realization of the constructive potential of trauma is its ability to push beyond the boundaries of the psyche and consciousness towards the consciousness of Another and find integrity next to You. Keeping responsibility for the space between Me and You.

ConclusionAs a result of the work, the phenomenon of addiction was analyzed within the framework of attachment-based developmental psychology developed by Gordon Neufeld.

The directions for reinterpretation of trauma from the point of view of its contribution to the growth of personality were proposed. The emphasis is placed on the choice, freedom, responsibility of an addictive personality for the realization of his own potential as an independent, capable of mature love and intimacy of a person.

It has been shown that addiction can be healthy and necessary when it comes to a child's dependence on their adult. Conversely, maternal deprivation most often forms an environment favorable for the further development of painful addictions.

Addictions in this context were analyzed as regression to less adaptive ways of responding to the challenges of the outside world.

The paper reveals the way of transformation of healthy addiction into mature love, which has no signs of addictive behavior. The watershed between addiction and love in this case runs through the line of maturity. Maturity is understood as a state of mind composed of three aspects: formation, adaptation, integration.

The work showed the connection of addiction with attachment disorder in childhood, trauma and violence at an early age. The importance of deep interpersonal contact and intimacy with Another in the therapy of all types of addictions and the failure of attempts to overcome addictions outside the context of deep healthy attachments are substantiated.

The possibility of post-traumatic growth of an addictive personality was shown through the conscious return of responsibility for his life to himself and the decision to live in sobriety and the conscious building of his own supports. The responsibility of the individual for satisfying various types of psychological and physical hunger without destroying himself and others is substantiated.

The communicative space between I and You for the addict can become for the addict that Jungian vas sacrum, a sacred vessel in which pain, emptiness, despair are melted down, there is a deepening into trauma without fear of losing the Self. An addictive personality returns to a new, whole, mature, happy Self through responsibility, choice, Will-to-You.